Russian Bride? Think twise...

FOB Russian women are the “starved” little bitches that every “curvaceous” American women despises. Every American man thinks they are the epitome of physical perfection and will submissively slave away night and day for their man’s happiness. Impressions aside, Russian ladies are more manipulative and damn smarter then stereotypes dictate. They will bitch slap the average American male with a deep pocket

Unfortunately for FOB Russians; unlike their attitudes, their looks are ephemeral. Upon arrival in US, they slowly begin to explode into an uncontrollable, acne-prone, mass. Naturally, Americans assume their expansion to be a product of poor nutrition in the home country: “Aww, those poor Russian women are finally being fed.”

Frankly, starvation is not the root or cause of the problem. The problem is a vicious cycle having to do with our (American) diet and what we deem to be a “healthy look”.

Based on the Russian diet, you’d expect us to be fatties. Blinchiki are fried. Smetana is pure fat. And we love our grandma’s pirojki. Bread, butter, potatoes (and vodka) are our staples.

So the problem must be the quantity of food one consumes. Oh, those poor Ruskies just couldn’t afford the quantity of food they consume here, and are finally being fed the “proper” amount of food. But quantity is not the sole problem: Although some FOBs do fall into gluttony, most consume the same amount of food.

If quantity, and “quality” stay relatively constant, then why is nearly every Americanized Russian female exploding in size?

In an effort to explore and explain this phenomenon, I thought back to my initial arrival here. For the first few weeks, EVERYTHING tasted overly sweet or overly salty. Bread tasted like cookies. Cookies were both sweet and salty. And both had a weird un-natural flavor. Eventually, my tastes readjusted; Bread could use a bit more sugar, cookies can be slightly saltier, and anything “strawberry” flavored was all the rage.

Take a trip to your fridge and pull out a random ready-made “salty” product (bread, frozen pizza, whatever other shit you consume) and browse the ingredients. Note that ingredients are listed by quantity. Now, notice that not so far down the list is “high fructose corn syrup.” What is a sweetener doing in *insert name of crap in your fridge*?!

First up, a little bio lesson:
Table sugar is not readily available for energy use; when consumed it is broken down into two simple sugars: fructose and glucose. Glucose is the body’s main energy source, and is utilized by the brain. Whereas fructose is broken down in the liver and then converted to energy, fat, or glucose. High fructose corn syrup (HFCS) consists of mainly (duh!) fructose. A diet high in HFCS often overworks the liver (potentially leading to diabetes). Additionally, consumption of glucose sends the message to the brain that the body is full. Whereas, fructose needs extra time to be converted to glucose (and FAT), and leads to excess consumption.

How does this benefit food manufacturers? Well, (1) HFSC costs a fraction of the cost of table sugar, (2) HFCS adds more bulk then table sugar , and (3)you consume more to feel full.

How does that benefit you? You become a "BBW."